Ughhh . . .

Today was not a good day. I had an appointment this morning with the hypertension specialist. I've been seeing him for months now and my blood pressure has always been great when he checks me. Today, not so great. He decided it was time to put me on medication to bring it down. I have 3.5 weeks to go and I have to go on meds. I'm really unhappy about that. I'm not great with copping to the fact that I can't handle this pregnancy without drugs. I was hoping meditation would help, but who has time to meditate with an almost 3 year old running around all day. The second I close my eyes, I hear "MOMMY, WAKE UP!!!" It's just not possible to meditate. So then I head off to the ob/gyn for my weekly check, and find out the baby's in position (ok so that's good) but I have to start weekly non-stress tests . . . at the hospital . . . in labor & delivery . . . did I mention WEEKLY from now until delivery? This should be called a stress-inducing test, not a non-stress test. Basically they hook my belly up to a machine to check the baby's heart rate and function. No, no stress at all there. And I have to go to labor & delivery for this. Completely stress-free. I just want to have this child already. I feel like my body has had enough. The doctor's aren't that concerned just yet, but they're being very cautious. Unless I start spilling protein into my urine, I won't be induced. And now that I'm on blood pressure meds, that might not happen. Ok, whoever is listening - I'M READY NOW. It's ok. The nursery's not done, but so what. The car seat's not in yet, but so what. The little guy's birthday party is this Saturday, but so what. I just want to feel good again. I don't want to put either of us in danger. If I ever write about having another, someone please write me back and remind me of my misery. I'm just too old for this crap.