I've been struggling as a mommy this past week, thinking that it's too stressful and there are too many unforeseen bumps along the road.
First came the quasi-confirmation that my 5 year old has asthma. I kind of new there was something more than allergies going on there, but I wanted to believe he'd kick it before it got out of control. I can't say it's out of control now, it's definitely under control, but that diagnosis is there. We're not to the point of needing an inhaler, but I fear once winter rolls around we will be. I worry about him. Stress.
I met my girlfriend the other night at the diner to catch up and have a little mommy time. On the way home, I encountered an accident on the highway. I could tell it was pretty serious based on the line of traffic I was sitting in and the amount of flashing lights I could see as I was approaching. I saw cars facing the wrong way and a little girl being worked on by paramedics. Come to find that a 2 year old little girl had to be medi-vac'd to the hospital and her mother died in the accident. Sometimes I just want to lock the doors, stay in the house, and never put the kids in the car again. I worry about them. Stress.
My 2 year old has been staying up past 10pm almost every night. I feel our bedtime routine is lacking, and what I really mean is we don't have a bedtime routine. When he does finally get to sleep, he winds up waking around midnight and climbing into my bed EVERY night. I know I need to buckle down and deal with the bedtime routine and keeping him in his bed even if it means no sleep for me for a few nights. It's hanging over me as something that must get done, ideally by the end of the summer. Stress.
As most mothers can probably relate, both of my boys must have hearing problems because they just don't listen. The incessant requests for things to be done or not done or undone makes for a long and exhausting day. That alone is stress.
No one tells when you're pregnant how hard the daily grind can be. They don't tell you the worries never cease. I've never once heard someone say not to be a parent because the job is incredibly stressful and the pay sucks. But I have come to notice a hint of it in the knowing looks from other mothers, the subtle nods of the heads as I'm rounding up my rambunctious boys. Pay attention to mothers. Sometimes the stress is written all over their faces.