As I prepared my son's lunch for school this morning, I suddenly started feeling trepidatious. I sort of want to keep him home, with me, where he's safe, or at least under my watch.
I'm sure I'm not the only parent feeling this way this morning. It's still hard for me to speak on the subject of the Newtown school shootings without tearing up. Add on top of that my high anxiety level to begin with, and I'm all sorts of beside myself.
But as I type this, I remember that I must be rational and maintain the routine. My children don't know about the shootings - not yet anyway. So this must be a normal Monday morning. A regular school day, even though for me it's not.
My little guy is in 1st grade - 6 years old. His teacher looks remarkably similar to Victoria Soto, the teacher who hid her 1st graders in closets and cabinets and sacrificed her own life to save theirs. But I can't dwell on the similarities, though they are apparent.
I will drive him to school this morning, as I always do, kiss him goodbye and tell him I love him. As I leave, I will pray for his safety and that I will see his smiling face at pick up this afternoon.
I will continue on with my daily routine, trying to keep my thoughts on the task at hand while pausing to pray for his well-being. I will be mentally drained by the time 3pm rolls around and he's here with me doing homework. But I will be relieved we both made it through the day.
God bless the families of Newtown.
Thanks for expressing what I haven't yet been able to say myself. My son is a five-year old kindergartner. It's hard to watch the personal stories of loss without starting to hyperventilate. We will never again take our children's presence for granted. I try to remember every day how lucky I am to have him with us.
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