Sunday, April 3, 2011

Crisis of Conscience

I've never doubted or questioned my faith before. I was raised a Catholic, went to Catholic school through the 12th grade, received all my Sacraments and took life, and death, as it came. I find I'm struggling with my beliefs in recent weeks.

I recently posted about my friend's husband who was recently diagnosed with stomach cancer, something that shook me to the core. The still as yet to be determined death toll from the tsunami, and its aftermath, in Japan gives me pause. Then today, an obituary I happened upon in the local newspaper. I'm not sure of all the details, but I can put 2 and 2 together. A seemingly healthy 29 year old woman from the next town over gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on March 24. She died on March 31. I have never met this woman, don't know her family and have never attended the school or lived in the town where she taught. Yet I am grief-stricken, and conflicted.

I'm sure this happens all around the world, over and over again. In fact, I know of family and friends who've lost parents at a young age. I know of parents who lost children at a young age. Why does this happen? These are children who need their parents. Their lives will forever be altered because of this. What is the lesson here? How am I to believe and profess faith in a God who takes away so freely?

Bad things happen all the time. The death of someone is a time-proven challenge for everyone. I've been to many funerals, but I have a terrible time accepting death when children are involved. How do I reconcile that in my mind? Hence, my present struggle with my faith, my belief that God is all good and all knowing. The tsunami, stomach cancer, death after child-birth - will I ever really know and understand why? That's what faith is all about, but I'm finding less faith when more and more awful events occur.

1 comment:

  1. I think this is very natural, dear. I guess once in a while we have some kind of these crisis.
    But this also shall pass and I hope the Universe (as I like to call God) will give you the straight you need.

    Thank you so much for your so nice comment on my blog and also for following it. You have such a lovely blog.

    Keep in touch if you feel like it and be safe.

    Best wishes