Friday, March 25, 2011

For A Friend

I've heard said that God does not give you that which you cannot handle. Maybe. My question is why does He give you horrible things to handle at all.

I got an early morning phone call from a friend of a friend. As you may know, early morning and late night phone calls are rarely good news. My friend's husband has stage 4 stomach cancer. He's 40 years old.

I met my friend, S, about 4 years ago at a local mom's group. She and I hit it off at the first get-together and have been friends ever since. She has a little girl the same age as my 4 year old. They were born 1 week apart.

Since that time, S has had 2 miscarriages. I had baby boy #2 and struggled with post-partum. We hugged and cried and pressed forward with our lives. Finally this past September, she gave birth to a beautiful little boy.

I last saw S and the baby in September. As happens quite frequently, we get busy with our lives and our children and don't get to see each other as much as we want or should. A few texts here. A facebook message there.  And then this morning's phone call.

I can't wrap my mind around the fact that her little boy will have no memory of his father. He's only 6 months old. How do you explain to a 4 year old that her daddy is gone? How does it make her feel when she has to tell her friends now and later in life that her daddy died when she was 4?

How does it make S feel knowing her children have to deal with this? How will she continue to support her children alone? Will she be able to keep her house? Can she hang on to her teaching job? Can she continue to be a great mother to those children?

These are the questions I have for God. These are the thoughts that bring tears to my eyes. I realize that we mourn not only for the person who has passed, but for those who are left behind. My heart aches and my mind reels. Why, God? Why?


  1. This is a tough thing, death is not easy no matter how someone passes, there are always those left behind. I really feel for the kids who are left with one less parent. I will pray for them! Hugs to you.

  2. This is one of the many reasons I have struggled with the concept of God. It would seem to me that if there is a God, he's sort of like a cruel kid holding a magnifying glass between the sun and an ant. He's either completely cruel or incompetent and neither is something I plan on worshipping.
    I know what I've just said may offend some but I have a right to beliefs and opinions just as everyone else does.
    Things are about to drastically change for your friend and her family. Hopefully along with friends like you, she will be able to perservere through this trying time. It makes me sad that she has to go through this and that her husband has to suffer. It really saddens me that her children have to endure this at such a young age.

  3. Oh I'm so sorry about your friend and her husband. My little guy is 5 and my god, just the thought of what it would be like to have to tell him that he's never going to see his Daddy again brings tears to my eyes.
    I hope with the support of family and friends like you she can find a way to get through this.
    so sad, way too young.

  4. so sad! it makes my heart hurt to think of being the mom of those little kids trying to figure it all out alone.
    i'm here from the LBS tea party.

  5. found you from Lady sad to hear this news...try to remember in your prayers that this is not God's doing. He will be there for you and for this family and the more they lean on Him the stronger they will be. It's a horrible, tragic thing and I will keep them in my prayers. :(