Lights Out?

I finally got some time to myself on Saturday and went to get my hair cut and colored. It was a blissful 2+ hours of much needed child-free time. I brought a book with me and got some serious reading done. I also had a chance to think, which might not be such a good thing.

As I sat in the chair getting 3 inches cut off my hair, a young girl came in to get a trim. Her hair was very short, kind of like this:

Admittedly, not everyone can wear this kind of cut. For years, my mother's been telling me I should cut my hair like this. Sorry, not for me. I prefer shoulder-length, at least. I asked my hair dresser what she thought about this kind of cut. She informed me this look was back in style. All the young ingenues were getting pixie cuts. She also told me this particular young girl waiting to get her hair cut was an artsy college student, and that look was "in" for that group these days.

I suddenly felt old. I looked in the LARGE, well-lit mirror in front of me and realized I looked old. Granted I was particularly tired yesterday having only slept 4 hours the night before thanks to baby boy waking me up at 4am, but even when I smiled those wrinkles (aka laugh lines - haha) appeared around my eyes. But I didn't feel like laughing.

When did this happen? How did this happen? This week will be my 42nd birthday and for the first time, I feel older than 21. Somewhere after marriage and 2 kids, I became an older woman. Even my clothes look old. I've turned into frumpy mom. But I used to be city chic. Is it living in the suburbs? Would a new address help me out?

In the midst of my anxiety attack, my hair dresser told me to go shopping after she finished coiffing my "old" new hair and buy myself some new fashion trend off the rack. That would pick me up. But it didn't. I did pick up a cute pair of black pants but I still came home depressed.

If I saw myself as old and tired, wouldn't everyone around me see the same? I know beauty comes from within. If you feel good on the inside, you look good on the outside. Maybe I need to find that spark inside and let it shine through. That's it! Maybe all I need is better lighting . . .