Thursday, August 5, 2010
Ever feel like you're here for something more? Ever feel restless but don't know how to feel fulfilled? This is my life on a daily basis. I CONSTANTLY feel like I should be doing something else or be somewhere else. I drive down streets in ritzy zip codes and wonder what I did wrong not to live in a house like that. I see other people creating art and writing novels and think I should be doing something like that. I am never at peace. I thought children would bring me some peace but instead I feel more frustration. I feel trapped. I feel conflicted. I feel . . . empty. That's cruel because I love my children to pieces and would trade them for nothing but I feel lost in their lives. Their lives of details steal from my life. Horrible - I know. I wanted so much to be a mother and now I am. But I haven't yet figured out who I am. I can't be just a mother. There has to be more. That's partly why I started blogging but I don't appear to be successful at that either. Maybe I need to post pictures with my blog. People are visual - maybe that would draw them in to read. I'm still at a loss but hope to find myself. If not here, then somewhere and I'll write about it here.