Thursday, August 5, 2010

No Peace

Ever feel like you're here for something more? Ever feel restless but don't know how to feel fulfilled? This is my life on a daily basis. I CONSTANTLY feel like I should be doing something else or be somewhere else. I drive down streets in ritzy zip codes and wonder what I did wrong not to live in a house like that. I see other people creating art and writing novels and think I should be doing something like that. I am never at peace. I thought children would bring me some peace but instead I feel more frustration. I feel trapped. I feel conflicted. I feel . . . empty. That's cruel because I love my children to pieces and would trade them for nothing but I feel lost in their lives. Their lives of details steal from my life. Horrible - I know. I wanted so much to be a mother and now I am. But I haven't yet figured out who I am. I can't be just a mother. There has to be more. That's partly why I started blogging but I don't appear to be successful at that either. Maybe I need to post pictures with my blog. People are visual - maybe that would draw them in to read. I'm still at a loss but hope to find myself. If not here, then somewhere and I'll write about it here.

1 comment:

  1. Debbie,
    I've just spent the past few minutes scrolling through some of your older posts. This one jumped out @ me and I thought I would leave a comment....I wrote about this same issue several years ago...found out something really interesting...Everybody I spoke to, admitted that they experience this inner restlessness and not even sure what it was we were longing for...that in itself was hopefully. I thought maybe I was personally defective in some way :-) Nope, I've come to the conclusion it is part of being human, though most people won't admit it to you unless they really trust you because most people are too busy trying to pretend to be something they are not. Another person shared with me the acronym HALT which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired...observe when you're starting to feel especially restless...and see if one (or more) of those conditions are not present @ that point. Being a mom is definitely one of the hardest jobs on the love your kids, but let's face it, our culture does not give you the kudos it does to people who chose other career paths..and yet, you are shaping the next generation. There is so much more I could share w/ you on this issue. Anyway, I noticed you hadn't had a lot of comments so I thought I would leave you one. Sincerely, A fellow blogger DM