I'm feeling stressed lately, and I'm not sure why. Actually I think I do know why.
I just turned 44 last week (yikes!) and my kids are getting bigger and I'm looking for a job. I suppose any one of those could be considered stressful, right?
Turning 44 isn't that big of a deal, really. I try to stay healthy, exercise regularly. I feel pretty good for the most part. The kids tend to bring colds and germs into the house on a daily basis, but other than that I've been fortunate to be well. Age is just a number anyway.
As far as the boys getting bigger, there's nothing I can do about that. That's a good thing. They're healthy growing boys. What more could a mother ask for? I do feel a pang every once in a while when I realize my babies aren't babies anymore, and I'll never have another. Babies are a sweet special gift, but they're also a lot of work. Boys do tend to grow away from their mothers as they get older and spend more time with their father. I am hopeful that I won't be completely forgotten as they years go by. I am their Mom after all.
I've posted previously about the perfect position that I'm seeking. The more I think about returning to work, the more anxiety I detect. I've been called an overprotective mother. I don't think there is such a thing as being overprotective. Maintaining the heath and well-being of my children is my job. I can't overdo that. Giving that job up, even for a few hours per day, is going to be incredibly difficult. I'm a bit of a control freak. I know what's best for my kids. I know what they like, what they want, what they need. Handing the reins over to someone else is something I'm not prepared to do.
So as winter winds down and spring approaches, another school year is slowly but surely coming to an end. Two months from today that little guy in my header picture will be turning 7 years old. Soon after that, my baby will be turning 4 years old. Where has the time gone? What is next for me? Right there, that's the stressor. What do I do once my boys are bigger and don't need me as much? How do I find my purpose again?