Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What Makes You Happy?

Here's what I want to know - how many people are really happy? Happy, in general, with their lives, their day to day existence. I want to know because I'm not happy. I know I should be, but I'm not. This has been a problem of mine (I think it's a problem) since I was young. I never knew what I wanted to do. I was never satisfied with what I was doing or who I was dating. I always wanted to do something else or be somewhere else. Now, one husband and two children later, I have those same feelings. I don't know where it came from or why I feel it, but here it is. If you ask me at any point during the course of a day if I was happy at that minute, undoubtedly the answer would be "no." It's a constant battle with the kids, it's hard work to make a marriage work and then there's nothing that I feel proud of that I'm accomplishing . . . probably because I'm not accomplishing anything.

I saw Wynonna Judd on Oprah this afternoon and she wanted some validation or recognition that she was able to clean out a closet while her sister was off saving people from genital mutilation in the Congo. This is how I feel. There are moms out there working, doing meaningful volunteer work, or just contributing to society in some way. Here I am saying "I made it to the consignment store today and dropped off a bag full of clothes. Can I hear a woot-woot?" Seriously. That's what I've accomplished today. That and a load of laundry. Am I happy? No.

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