Baby Boy Blues

What am I doing? I'm 40 years old. I should be having cocktails not breastfeeding an infant at all hours of the day and night . . . and day and night . . . and day and night. This is the time after pregnancy when the baby blues start to kick in for me. I'm stuck in baby prison with an infant who is incessantly hanging off one of my boobs. How hungry can this child be? And if he is that hungry, after suckling for hours, why doesn't he take longer naps in between feedings? Isn't that what you would want to do after eating for an hour? I'd be good and ready for a nice 3 or 4 hour siesta. Not baby boy #2. Oh no, he's ready to go again in about 2 hours. This is not ample time to grab something to eat and lay down for a snooze. This is ample time to grab something to eat and lay down only to get up in 5 minutes. It's like he knows I'm ready to lay down. He starts to cry as soon as I get comfortable. How does he do that? And why does he do that? Doesn't he realize I'm his food supply. I can cut him off if I wanted. I cut him off last night and gave him a bottle - my boobs needed a rest. I thought this would give me at least 3 hours of sleep. Nope - 2 hours and he's raring to go. I'll ask again - what am I doing? It's funny how the mind remembers what it wants to remember in order to protect the human race. If I honestly recalled how hard it is those first few weeks after delivery, I would not have signed on to do this again. I'm exhausted and I can't think clearly and that damn epidural headache is lingering on through some buzzing in my ears now. I just want to get some sleep, read a book, have a moment to myself. Oh wait, I must've nodded off for a second because those days are a long way off. I have a 3 year old and a newborn. I'll ask again - what am I doing?