Ughhh . . .

Today was not a good day. I had an appointment this morning with the hypertension specialist. I've been seeing him for months now and my blood pressure has always been great when he checks me. Today, not so great. He decided it was time to put me on medication to bring it down. I have 3.5 weeks to go and I have to go on meds. I'm really unhappy about that. I'm not great with copping to the fact that I can't handle this pregnancy without drugs. I was hoping meditation would help, but who has time to meditate with an almost 3 year old running around all day. The second I close my eyes, I hear "MOMMY, WAKE UP!!!" It's just not possible to meditate. So then I head off to the ob/gyn for my weekly check, and find out the baby's in position (ok so that's good) but I have to start weekly non-stress tests . . . at the hospital . . . in labor & delivery . . . did I mention WEEKLY from now until delivery? This should be called a stress-inducing test, not a non-stress test. Basically they hook my belly up to a machine to check the baby's heart rate and function. No, no stress at all there. And I have to go to labor & delivery for this. Completely stress-free. I just want to have this child already. I feel like my body has had enough. The doctor's aren't that concerned just yet, but they're being very cautious. Unless I start spilling protein into my urine, I won't be induced. And now that I'm on blood pressure meds, that might not happen. Ok, whoever is listening - I'M READY NOW. It's ok. The nursery's not done, but so what. The car seat's not in yet, but so what. The little guy's birthday party is this Saturday, but so what. I just want to feel good again. I don't want to put either of us in danger. If I ever write about having another, someone please write me back and remind me of my misery. I'm just too old for this crap.

Trifecta

Today was a good day. I FINALLY got a haircut and highlight. I've been in desperate need of a cut and highlight for the past few weeks but have been putting it off for as long as possible since I know as I get closer to delivery date and the baby arrives, I won't be able to get anywhere near my hairdresser. I feel much better knowing I look much better. Second of all, the new dryer arrived and was installed. There was a glitch with the install but I am assured by dear hubby that he will take care of it. In the meantime, it is hooked up and I did a load of laundry and dried it successfully. Finally, dear hubby decided to take the car seat out of the attic when he got home from work tonight. No prompting from me at all. He just went up and brought it back down. Tada - all done. Now it just needs to be put in the back of my car and baby boy #2 can come home safely. I'm attempting to focus on all the good things that went on today instead of, well, everything else in my life and on the news. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and don't want to focus on the bad or troublesome stuff since that might raise my blood pressure. Instead, I will see only the good that went on, and it was quite a bit. See - it was a good day!

Stress and the Suburbs

I have to admit every once in a while I start to feel like Carrie Bradshaw while I'm blogging. Except my life is a little different from Sex and the City. I don't live in the City, but I used to live in Jersey City. I'm not writing about sex and finding happily ever after, I'm blogging about what happens after sex . . . and reality. I don't have 3 "fabulous" girlfriends with man troubles, I have many mom friends with kid problems and husband issues. I don't drink martinis, but I have been to a martini bar, once, years ago. I haven't played Twister with Jon Bon Jovi, but I have dreamed about it. I do own a pair of Manolo Blahniks, but they're 2 sizes too small since I bought them before I ever got pregnant. I've never been to Fashion Week, but I love Project Runway (where is that show???). I don't smoke cigarettes, but there are days when I think smoke is coming out of my ears. I don't meet my "fabulous" friends once a week over breakfast to update them on my latest sexcapades, but I do try to organize a mom's day out brunch once every other month to complain about my miserable pregnancy. And finally, I don't stress about Mr. Big, I have the little guy. Now that's stress . . . and the suburbs.

Back to Normal

So here I am one day appreciating everything I have since my house wasn't torn down by a tornado and I have central air conditioning, and I wake up the next day with sciatica that just won't quit. I have horrible pain from my right butt cheek all the way down my thigh, and I can barely walk today. How, please tell me, how am I supposed to be appreciative of that?? Not only can I barely walk, I can barely stand. I'm leaning on furniture, counter tops, the little guy, all day long. And you know what else? No food tastes good to me today. Nothing. Even the foods I usually enjoy - cheese popcorn, chocolate - just tastes blah. I know my ob/gyn told me that the end of the pregnancy mirrors the beginning, but come on. I've got 4 weeks to go and I have no appetite? That just doesn't sound right. Especially when I REALLY love chocolate. How can chocolate not be appealing? I pray to God that when I have my daily dish of ice cream later tonight it still tastes fantastic, or I'm just gonna cry. I'm not even joking. These are my comfort foods. Do you hear that baby boy #2? I need my comfort food. It gets me through to the next morning. I'm not depriving you of anything so please, just let me enjoy my ice cream and we'll get along just fine when you get here.

Mother Knows Best, For Now

As I was whining to my mother this afternoon about how uncomfortable I was, how this "mini-heatwave" wasn't for me, she reminded me that things could be worse. My mom always has a way of minimizing how bad things are now and how much worse they could actually be. I suppose this is a technique to make me feel better and appreciate what I have. Today it worked. She reminded me of the news this morning about the tornado that hit a town in Kansas overnight, wiping out people's homes, their entire lives gone. "Imagine that," she said. "Everything you have gone. No home. No clothes. Nothing." That helped put things in perspective pretty quickly. Then she went on to tell me that women years ago had babies in the summer all the time with no air conditioning in their homes. They traveled to the shore, where it was cooler, in cars with no air conditioning. Sat in traffic, to and fro, sweating. "You don't realize how lucky you are, Debbie," she said. "You leave your air conditioned home, get in your air conditioned car and reach your next air conditioned destination." Geez, am I spoiled? I'm just trying to stay comfortable. I am an extra 30+ pounds heavier these days, I'm a little hot and I'm just looking for a little relief with modern day amenities. And then she said, "People didn't realize what they were missing because they never had it. Nobody had air conditioning so they didn't know what it would feel like to have it. They just went about their day and did what they had to do." After our conversation, I took a shower, got dressed and went about my day. You know what? I stopped focusing on how miserable I felt and how hot it was. I began to appreciate the things I have. My air-conditioned home and car. The clothing on my huge belly. The laughter of the little guy in the family room. And I felt better . . . for now. I guess sometimes mother does know best.