Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I'm in a funk and can't find my way out. I know it's January and sometimes being inside all the time brings people down, but that's not it. I don't know exactly what it is, but whatever it is should just leave already. I go to sleep every night hoping my dreams will make me feel better and I'll wake up anew in the morning. No such luck. It's that sense of another day and what am I going to do. Don't get me wrong - I have a TON to do. It's just actually doing it and enjoying it. I know you're not supposed to really enjoy cleaning and housework, though I think there are some women who do. That's their calling. That's what makes them happy. This does not make me happy. I don't wake up in the morning thinking, "Yeah - I'm going to mop the floors today!" I want to be one of those people who get excited about what the day is going to bring. Pleased with what I'm going to accomplish today. I don't feel that way . . . at all. I don't look forward to what the day will bring and I don't feel that sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I straighten up, feed the kids, do some laundry, maybe vacuum and dust, cook some dinner, and call it a day. I feel no accomplishment here. That's just every day of my life. I know raising children is the most important job - and the hardest - but I don't feel pleased with my work when the day is done. Especially if it's been a bad day behavior-wise. You know those days - the kids are just bad. They don't listen, they don't eat, they don't care about time-out. I dread those days. But then I feel like I dread every day. I have nothing to look forward to - nothing to make me want to get out of bed and get going. Sure I exercise and project declutter is slowly creeping through the house. I'm still not feeling success when I turn out my bedroom light. I suppose I need to change my outlook. Maybe tomorrow . . .