Playing Fair

I organize a playgroup for moms over the age of 35 with young children. I didn't create this group but it sounded good to me so I took over organizing when the previous organizer stepped down. I realized early on why she stepped down. It's very difficult getting members to attend events. Even when they say they will attend something, they change their mind at the last minute or they just don't show up. Infuriating!! Here's the rub: there's another playgroup in the area for moms of any age and they are super active. They have about 5 different events going on every day. I attribute this to the fact that there are about 200 members and they are younger women. When you're young, you have the energy to do just about anything and everything while dragging your little one along with you. When you reach a certain age, you're just more comfortable sitting at home with the little one playing on your carpet in the living room. Needless to say, I don't plan 5 events per day. I have on average 2 events per week. For me, that's plenty. I have 2 little ones to tote around and quite frankly, it's exhausting. Add the cold weather into the mix, and I'm fine not going out every day. My frustration comes from the fact that most of my members are also members of the 200+ moms group. I find my members attending the other group's events instead of mine, or worse, cancelling on mine when something better pops up on the other group's calendar. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I find my attempt to make friends for me and my children futile. It's hard staying at home with the kids. It's hard to find women in your situation that you actually have something in common with other than the children. Uh oh, I hear those January blues singing again. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I need to let it go and let it be what it is. Or leave the group and let someone else deal with the aggrevation. Or go back to bed and hope I wake up in May.

Oh What A Beautiful Morning

I'm feeling a bit better today, but I must admit it's only 8am. Way too much time for things to drastically change course. In any event, I am taking the boys on a scavenger hunt this morning. These things all sound good on paper when I'm planning them, but when the time comes to actually get out and do them, it doesn't sound so good anymore. It's 30 degrees outside - what am I thinking? I organize a playgroup for moms who had babies when they were 35 or older, and I borrowed this idea from an organizer forum. A winter nature walk/scavenger hunt - sounds lovely. I can predict the baby will be fast asleep in the car by the time we get to the park, and the 3-year old will either be whining or sleeping as well. I'm not waking up the baby to take him out in the cold for 15-20 minutes. If he's awake, I'll put him in his carriage for a few minutes for some fresh air but that's it. So what do I do with the 3-year old? See what I mean - sounds good on paper but poses a dilemma when the time actually comes. I suppose he should breathe in some nice cold air for a few minutes. I'm just afraid he'll run off somewhere, and I won't be able to chase after him because I need to stay near the car if the baby's sleeping in it. This is what's running through my mind as I prepare to take the children out on this beautiful morning: disaster!

January Blahs?

I'm in a funk and can't find my way out. I know it's January and sometimes being inside all the time brings people down, but that's not it. I don't know exactly what it is, but whatever it is should just leave already. I go to sleep every night hoping my dreams will make me feel better and I'll wake up anew in the morning. No such luck. It's that sense of another day and what am I going to do. Don't get me wrong - I have a TON to do. It's just actually doing it and enjoying it. I know you're not supposed to really enjoy cleaning and housework, though I think there are some women who do. That's their calling. That's what makes them happy. This does not make me happy. I don't wake up in the morning thinking, "Yeah - I'm going to mop the floors today!" I want to be one of those people who get excited about what the day is going to bring. Pleased with what I'm going to accomplish today. I don't feel that way . . . at all. I don't look forward to what the day will bring and I don't feel that sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I straighten up, feed the kids, do some laundry, maybe vacuum and dust, cook some dinner, and call it a day. I feel no accomplishment here. That's just every day of my life. I know raising children is the most important job - and the hardest - but I don't feel pleased with my work when the day is done. Especially if it's been a bad day behavior-wise. You know those days - the kids are just bad. They don't listen, they don't eat, they don't care about time-out. I dread those days. But then I feel like I dread every day. I have nothing to look forward to - nothing to make me want to get out of bed and get going. Sure I exercise and project declutter is slowly creeping through the house. I'm still not feeling success when I turn out my bedroom light. I suppose I need to change my outlook. Maybe tomorrow . . .

More Digression

Another week gone by and there are still remnants of Christmas in my house. Considering I have 80+ nutcrackers that I display, is it really any surprise there are about 10 that still need putting away? I will finish it up today, fingers crossed, and hopefully be done with the holidays for another 10 months or so. Then I could possibly get on to clearing out some stuff. I did get rid of a couple of items this week despite the Christmas clutter. The baby's bouncer chair has been retired. I wasn't even sad to see it go. I put it out on the curb and it was gone within 2 hours. Don't know who took it and don't care. Just glad there's a little less mess in my incredibly shrinking house. What else? I need to get out and purchase another basket for the living room. The baby's toys are splayed all over the living room floor, and it would be so nice to be able to put them in a basket at the end of each day so I'm not tripping on them at night, setting off that damn music that every single toy makes. Why does everything have to make noise. I don't remember every toy I had when I was a kid playing music. We made our own noises as we played. But I digress. A little organization goes a long way. The trick is getting out to shop for the basket. It's impossible to shop with a 3 year old, at least with my 3 year old. I fear digression again. Better change topic altogether.

The exercising is going well. Every day there is a little aerobic routine accomplished, and the hubby and I have scheduled 3 days per week for weight training. So far it seems to be working out fine. I wish I could do more than 15 or 20 minutes of rushed aerobics, but it's just not feasible now. The baby's still little and will only give me so much time. He'll laugh at first when I start to exercise. I suppose seeing mom bouncing around is funny for a while. Then he just wants me to pick him up. When he's napping I try to get other stuff done - like shower and straighten up my bedroom - so I don't have a lot of time then either. It's a juggling act to get almost anything done these days. I know it's temporary and he is growing up fast, but when you're living it 24 hours a day it just doesn't feel that temporary. It feels like I can't move, like I can't get anything done. It feels very frustrating. More digression. Better call it a day and go declutter something.

Weights and Clutter

Since my husband again expressed his willingness to whip my flabby post-baby body back into shape, I finally took him up on his offer to work out together. Yikes!! He has this weight-training routine all laid out for me, and he took me through it for the first time yesterday. He's working my whole body - arms, shoulders, chest, back, abs, legs, calves. He's starting me slowly with only 2 sets on each area with light weights, sometimes no weight but for the bar, and it was about an hour long workout. It was too stressful on the body, or the relationship, but I did feel VERY tired last night and my body hurt in a non-specific area as well. I think that's a good thing. I'm not sure how many times each week we're going to do this together, but I hope it does some good. Especially that arm-flapping problem that women of a certain age develop. I'd really like to get rid of that since I can't reverse my age.

Project declutter isn't really going that well. I'm still in Christmas central around here and think I need to work through that stuff before decluttering the rest of this mess. Our basement is Christmas-free so I suppose that can count as yesterday's decluttering event. Today, can't really say I accomplished much of anything. I'm still working on taking down the tree in the living room. I say working on it because I COVER the entire tree with ornaments and it takes quite a while to get them off and put away. I love ornaments and feel the need to purchase at least one new one each year. Makes it a bit difficult for storage purposes but I can't help myself. My mother insists one year the tree is going to fall over from the weight of the ornaments pulling it down. But I digress. Once Christmas is gone from the house, I think it will be a bit easier to clean up and clear out. At least that's my excuse for not accomplishing anything today.